tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59221381094486903102024-03-23T13:24:45.786-05:00Calmer'n You AreSports, Tunes, Beer, Cheese...SickJimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-71971782105609550552007-02-15T12:55:00.000-05:002007-02-15T15:33:59.159-05:00Hardaway in '08<a href="http://www.jockdoconline.com/gallery/thardaway.GIF"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.jockdoconline.com/gallery/thardaway.GIF" border="0" /></a><br /><em>"If you don't get your figner out of my ass, I'll fucking kill you."</em><br /><br />It's official. Tim Hardaway has thrown his hat in the ring with the likes of John McCain, Sam Brownback, Rudy Giuliani and Mike Huckabee for the GOP presidential nomination in 2008. I wasn't aware that the patriarch of the UTEP two-step had an interest in becoming the leader of the free world, but with his initial public statement it's clear that he's actively courting the conservative vote, leaving no doubt where he stands on divisive social issues such as, say, homosexuality. Let's have a look-see at what the former NBA star turned politician had to say yesterday regarding gays:<br /><br /><em>"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known, I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."</em><br /><br />Whoa.<br /><br />While I don't personally agree with the above remarks, I do give credit to Hardaway for implicitly declaring his intention to capture the Republican Party's presidential nomination in a rather unorthodox manner (in an interview with Dan "the Bastard" le Batard on a Miami sports radio talk show) and for making perhaps the most candid statement in political history.<br /><br />In a later interview with a Fox affiliate in Miami, Hardaway did, however, display some political savviness in attempting to perform a bit of damage control<br /><br /><em>"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that. That was my mistake."</em><br /><br />Ah-ha, although Hardaway is indeed a novice politician in terms of years, his choice of words proves his political shrewdness. Notice that he did not actually say he doesn't hate gay people; only that he shouldn't have said it--pure genius. What better way to court the right wing of the Republican party than by unabashedly proclaiming your hatred and fear of gay people, declaring that our great nation is no place for such repugnancy, and then following that up with a faux-apology that functions as a "wink-wink" to the conservatives and a display of humanity and compassion to the rest of the nation.<br /><br />Tim Hardaway is a GOP dream; not only is he black (which brings the previously democratic-leaning African-America populace to the right side of the aisle), but he hates gays too.<br /><br />Beat that combo, Sam Brownback!Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-16352494544721172692007-02-06T18:45:00.000-05:002007-02-06T19:00:18.459-05:00Beirut!<a href="http://www.greatestcities.com/0273pic/519/CP3519.jpg/beirut-1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.greatestcities.com/0273pic/519/CP3519.jpg/beirut-1.jpg" border="0" /></a>Here's a survey that we can all relate to. I'm not sure if anyone even reads this rag, but those of you whom I suspect read this will be swept back to the days of "I'll take a re-rack," "Drink, bitch," and the saddest words ever uttered in sports, "I didn't even get to shoot."<br /><br />It's a national <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/update:1710520/">beirut/beer-pong survey</a>. The nostalgia is almost overwhelming.<br /><br />In case you're retarded, the above picture is of the Lebanese capital, Beirut. Since I think calling "Beirut" "beer-pong" is a traveshamockery, I couldn't in good conscience include a picture of the beer-game "beirut" above without actually typing "beer-pong" into google's search thing. I may be on the verge of becoming a blood-sucking lawyer, but I'm not about to compromise my steadfast beliefs jsut to show youse a picture as cool as <a href="http://www.umich.edu/~phichi/pictures/bbq%20-%20beer%20pong%20fire.jpg">this</a>. I mean, seriously, I would totally have burnt down 1610 Pine street if I could show that picture to my illegitimate grand kids in 5 years.<br /><br />Incidentally, is there a better nut than the pistachio? The answer is a resounding "fuck no."Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-70595896902946394312007-02-05T14:38:00.000-05:002007-02-05T14:49:14.213-05:00It's Not Like Being Accused of Having Herpes Is Stigmatizing or Anything<a href="http://www.salemgeneralsnews.com/sports/wrestling/DavidAdams.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.salemgeneralsnews.com/sports/wrestling/DavidAdams.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Whew. What a relief; it turns out that the wrestling team at Valentine High School in Omaha, NB <em>doesn't</em> have <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2754867">herpes</a>. Thank god.<br /><br />In other news, it is cold as fuck in NYC today. I still don't understand how anyone lives in climates that have seasons. Granted, I kind of dig snow a little, but when the Pilgrims rolled up with their small-pox blankets and funny <a href="http://members.tripod.com/~bears_4/thgiv/pilgrim.gif">outfits</a>, wouldn't they have gotten the fuck out of the northeast when they walked out of their cribs and it was like 20 fucking degrees?Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-10668215169192203892007-02-04T22:47:00.000-05:002007-02-04T23:56:50.306-05:00Gut Reaction<a href="http://myspace-117.vo.llnwd.net/00464/71/15/464775117_m.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://myspace-117.vo.llnwd.net/00464/71/15/464775117_m.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Superbowl XLI is in the books; Peyton says goodbye to his little friend; that game was "meh."<br /><br />The following are instant, unadulterated reactions to tonight's game from your correspondent:<br /><br /><p>--Is it really necessary for the NFL to refer to the Superbowl with Roman numerals? I'm putting the over/under on how many people actually know what the fuck "XLI" means at 2% of the watching public ... and I'm taking the under. Why can't we just refer to the Superbowl by the year in which it was played. I know that in the 2000 Superbowl (excuse me, Superbowl XXXIV) the Rams won and the Titans came up a yard short and I spilled a bunch of beer on the Mule's dormroom floor during the game and Crackhead John got punched in the face more than once by Big Dan and some random Pike rush showed up and ate all the microwavable taquitos, an act which directly led to Crackhead's imminent and unfortunate demise. I associate these occurrences with that game not because of some lame-ass Roman numerals, but by the year. So let's be done with the X's, L's and V's already.<br /></p><p>--Isn't Peyton Manning guilty of a false-start on every play that he's in shotgun with that little step forward of his? Goddamn NFL conspiracy.</p><p>--Rex Grossman sucks.</p><p>--Prince's halftime show was actually kinda okay ... I think.</p><p>--Either I wasn't drunk enough or they didn't ignite enough pyrotechnics during Prince's "set", but the lackluster second half surely has something to do with the lack of smog that needs to descend on the field for a competitive and dramatic ending to the Superbowl.</p><p>--The Bears really aren't that good. This means that the NFC totally sucked ballz this year.<br /></p><p>--Phil Simms is a douche of a "color guy."</p><p>--Considering the Colts are clearly God's team led by a "christian coach," was there any doubt they'd beat a team that starts a guy named Muhsin Muhammad at wide receiver? </p><p>--I busted out my Crayola 64-pack and then crunched the numbers, and I've found that not only is Tony Dungee the first black headcoach to win a Superbowl, but the coach of the losing team is also black. Holy fuck!</p><p>--The commercials were awful. The only good one (and it was pretty freakin' good) was the Bud Light slap yer face one. Nice work. I was kind of hoping for a sequel to the Dodge <a href="http://www.mrtoys.com/board-games/pics/Rockem-Sockem-Robots-Game.jpg">robot wars</a>, but instead we got that super-weird Godzilla/Mighty-Morphin Power Rangers thing for the GPS device. Fart.</p><p>--Bears kicker Robbie Gould pronounces his last name "gold"--no f'n way; the "U" is in there for a reason.</p><p>--That game was kind of weak sauce. </p><p>That's it for now. No more football for 8 months. At least we don't have to wait two more excruciating weeks for the Pro Bowl. My prediction: 27-23 NFC.<br /></p><br /><p>Do people actually watch the Pro Bowl? I have never seen even a second of it. I'm <em>that</em> cool.</p>Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-20086671199462764662007-01-23T08:59:00.000-05:002007-01-23T09:39:02.929-05:00Seriously, though, doesn't Arthur Blank Look Like a Pedophile Who Probably Runs an Amusement Park for Little Kids<a href="http://www.georgiaencyclopedia.org/media_content/m-8802.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.georgiaencyclopedia.org/media_content/m-8802.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Mike Vick was exonerated Monday from marijuana possession accusations stemming from his inexplicable reluctance to relinquish a secret weed compartment waterbottle at Miami International Airport. Hooray! While I was kind of hoping the Dade County DA would have pressed charges so that we could spend the next two weeks listening to the ESPN hacks debate whether Vick's apparent drug "abuse" and possible conviction warranted his relegation to second string duties, this is clearly a better result for it proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that pedophile amusement-park operator and Falcons owner, Arthur Blank, wrote hefty checks this weekend to the Miami DA's office, the TSA and Roger Goodell to keep the face of the franchise off the police blotter. You may be innocent in the court of law, Mike Vick, but the court of public opinion is in session and you're gettin' the chair.<br /><br />The evidence? Vick unwilling to give up secret weed compartment watter bottle emitting marijuana odor. Works for me.<br /><br />Good thing Vick doesn't play for the Bengals; somehow things just don't <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2739009">work out so well</a> for those guys.<br /><br />Is this evidence of a conspiracy to get the Bengals back to their mid-90's heyday involving a double secret alliance between high-ranking NFL brass and law enforcement personnel around the country? I think it is.<br /><br />We all know the NFL is full of conspiracies, right? I mean, there's no way two black coaches could ever make it to the superbowl ... puh-leeeze.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-12483052321553746292007-01-19T16:42:00.000-05:002007-01-19T17:48:36.364-05:00It's Gonna Be 1985 All Over Again<p><a href="http://www.butlerwebs.com/pittsburgh/images/steelers-signball.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.butlerwebs.com/pittsburgh/images/steelers-signball.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />It's championship weekend, and it's time to make picks that I'm quite sure will be dead wrong.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.anniemayhem.com/blog%20pics/SaintsHelmet.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.anniemayhem.com/blog%20pics/SaintsHelmet.jpg" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://www.chimpletons.com/fun/chimp-sters-of-the-midway/chimp-bears-logo.gif"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.chimpletons.com/fun/chimp-sters-of-the-midway/chimp-bears-logo.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong></p><p><br /><strong><u>New Orleans Saints at Chicago Bears</u> (Bears -2.5)</strong><br /><br />As of this moment, the good folks over at the weather channel are predicting snow for late Sunday afternoon at the <a href="http://football.ballparks.com/NFL/ChicagoBears/newaerial.jpg">spaceship</a>. If this forecast indeed comes to fruition, the Saints may be in a bit of trouble. However, the once-feared Bears defense is a shell of its former self, particularly against the run ever since Tommy Harris went down, which means the Saints will look to drop an enormous Deuce and flash some Bush all over the Bears front 7. Could get a little messy.<br /><br />If there's snow on the ground, I give this one to the Bears: 23-17<br /><br />No snow, Saints expose a weak Bears defense: 27-17<br /><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><a href="http://www.fenwaynation.com/pat_patriot.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.fenwaynation.com/pat_patriot.jpg" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.varsityshack.com/images/indianapolis-colts-logo.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.varsityshack.com/images/indianapolis-colts-logo.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><strong><u></u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u>New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts</u> (Colts -3)</strong><br /><br />Ah, yes. Nothing like a Sunday night AFC championship game played in a fuckin' dome. Fuck you, Colts.<br /><br />I think this one's pretty simple. Brady has a 10-0 career record in domes. Manning throws a late pick, and the Patriots show that it doesn't matter who the fuck is on their team as Gostkowski pulls a Vinatieri and ends the game with a 42 yarder.<br /><br />Pats win: 27-24<br /><br />By the way, shouldn't the Pats totally go back to <a href="http://www.ssur.org/research/CK_NFLUniforms/images/nepatriots%20throwback.jpg">these uniforms</a>?<br /></p>Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-22679325189330193082007-01-19T11:48:00.000-05:002007-01-19T13:39:51.702-05:00Gimme That!<a href="http://robert.accettura.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/20060812_sierramist.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://robert.accettura.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/08/20060812_sierramist.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />As I'm sure you're all aware, Miami Internatioal Airport security personnel confiscated a water bottle from Falcons QB Michael Vick prior to his boarding an Airtran flight destined for Atlanta. The water bottle had a hidden compartment that allegedly smelled of marijuana and contained a "substance." Hmm. Criminal charges have yet to be filed against Vick, but Falcons owner, Arthur Blank, and the rest of the dirty-bird's brass are <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2735061">pissed</a>--and rightfully so. 3 years ago Blank signed Vick to a preposterous $137 million contract, at the time the NFL's richest. We here at Calmner'n You Are don't think Vick's that great a QB. The m'fer can sure as shit run around the field with the best of 'em, but in terms of Vladimir Putin that ball where it needs to be, Vick ain't worth the un-flushed log a' shit fermenting in my crapper.<br /><br />Frankly, though, I can't get mad at Vick for smoking the weed. Everyone does it, especially pro <a href="http://images.sportsnetwork.com/football/nfl/allsport/dolphins/williams_ricky13.jpg">athletes</a>. If I signed a contract for anywhere near $137 million, you can be damned sure I'd be smoking weed all the time, which, for better or worse, wouldn't even be that much more of a frequent occurrence than it is now. (Ir)regardless, while Vick probably doesn't deserve the vitriol being spewed forth by the likes of racist Falcons fans and ESPN, he <em>should</em> be chastised by the stoner community for what amounts to nothing less than sheer ganja-stupidity.<br /><br />Mike Vick should be charged with the following weed stupidity crimes:<br /><br /><strong><u>Weed Stupidity Crime #1</u>: Reckless Weed Storage </strong><br />Oh how I pine for the days when you could strut through airport security with an enormous bag of weed in your pocket. Damn you 9-11 terrorists. You not only ushered in a seemingly endless era of ridiculous foreign policy defined by an amorphous "war on terror," but you made it difficult as shit to get contraband of any kind onto an airplane. Fuckers.<br /><br />Nowadays, if one has the audacity to bring weed onto an airplane, he must make sure that if he's "chosen" to be violated by an overweight TSA 'broad at the security checkpoint, she won't discover his stash and convert his roundtrip ticket from JFK to Runaway Bay to a non-stop, one-way boarding pass to lovely Guantanamo Bay.<br /><br />If you absolutely must travel with any form of contraband, the easiest method of transport is the ole' tape-job. Ya' know whatcha' fuckin' do? First, wear baggy pants. Second, if you're a dude, tape the bag to your nutz (if you're a crazy broad, either stick it in your underwears, or tape it to your leg). That's it.<br /><br />While those employed by the TSA are not rocket scientists, the hidden compartment trick doesn't fool anyone. C'mon, Mike, we all know you and Marcus didn't just start smokin' yesterday.<br /><br /><strong><u>Weed Stupidity Crime #2</u>: Stash Violation by a Rich Dude</strong><br /><br />Mike, you're really fuckin' rich. There's no reason why you should need to bring whatever weed you were smokin' in South Beach back to Atlanta. And if you've got a connection problem in Atlanta, get <a href="http://www.friendsofcannabis.com/photos/luda_small(1).jpg">Ludacris</a> on the horn; I'm sure he can help you out.<br /><br /><strong><u>Weed Stupidity Crime #3</u>: Rich Dude Carrying Own Supply</strong><br /><br />If you're rich like Mike Vick, I'm sure you travel with your "homies." And if you're rich like Mike Vick, you can afford to have a member of your posse carry your contraband for you. The point here is that if you're stupid enough to try and carry weed onto a plane, at least have the presence of mind to make one of your crew carry it for you ...<br /><br /><strong><u>Weed Stupidity Crime #4</u>: It's a Fucking Water Bottle, Dumbass!</strong><br /><br />This one's not exactly a weed-crime, per se, but you've got to be stupid nonetheless to be guilty of it. Unless you've been living in a cave for the last year (speaking of caves, you've got to try some delicious cave-aged gruyere--sicknasty), you know that the TSA has a hard-on for bottles of liquid passengers attempt to bring on a plane.<br /><br />This is a stupidity double-whammy of sorts. First, we've got Vick attempting to bring a waterbottle onto a plane. Not sure what the thought process is on that one, but it's pretty effin' stupid. Then we've got the hidden compartment trick ... in a water bottle. Ugh.<br /><br />The long and the short of this is that Vick will get blasted in the media and likely will be forced to enter a drug-treatment program to treat his "addiction." The real story, though, is that Vick is a moron.<br /><br />Moral of the story? Sure. $137 million can buy you a shitload of weed, but evidently not enough to warrant disposing of your hidden compartment water bottle before you attempt to pass through security at notoriously drug-unfriendly Miami Fucking International Airport.<br /><br />-------------------------<br /><br /><a href="http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/1/10/180px-Pauliewalnuts.jpg"><strong>Paulie Walnuts</strong></a><strong> phrase of the day: "Malignant Cunt"</strong><br /><br />In season 4 of the Sopranos, Paulie has put his mah, Nucci, in Green Grove, a high-end retirement home. Sadly, Mrs. Gualtieri has difficulty making friends and is effectively shunned by the community, led by Minn Martone and Cookie Cirillo, old friends of Nucci. In a meeting between Paulie and Cookie's son, Chucky, who Paulie knows from his childhood days, Paulie presses Chucky to get his mom to be nicer to Nucci--it is at this point that Paulie refers to Minn Martone as an instigator and a "malignant cunt." Well said, Paulie.<br /><br />So, the next time you feel the need to utter a "dirty slut," "filthy ho'" or "stupid bitch"--try a "malignant cunt" on for size. Fits nice, right?<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />For all you Rose Hill Drive fanatics out there, ever wonder what the band would sound like if it played the Band of Gypsies album in full? If so, then you might want to give this <a href="http://bt.etree.org/details.php?id=503225">download</a> a test drive (hey-oh!). Thanks to the guys over at <a href="http://www.glidemagazine.com/hiddentrack/">Hidden Track</a> for the heads up on this sick show.<br /><br />Read what author of Hidden Track's weekly edition of "Grousing the Aisles," Scott Bernstein, had to say about this show <a href="http://www.glidemagazine.com/hiddentrack/?p=218">here</a>.<br /><br />Lastly, if you're a music fan and not checking Hidden Track on a daily (if not hourly) basis, you're as stupid as Mike Vick.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-32022723466750018762007-01-12T12:59:00.000-05:002007-01-12T14:18:29.982-05:00Nick's Picks, Vol. IOn Fridays in mid-January, when I am reduced to a couch-dwelling, weed-smoking, sloth-like stain on society, I think of two things: professional football and Bud Light. The weekend of January 13-15 should be a smashing good time for all, considering there's 14 hours of prime playoff football to witness and 3 nights of potential Bud Light debauchery (or, if you're like me, douchebaggery). Let's all give a big thank you to Marty King (or maybe we should be thanking James Earl Ray ... I'm going straight to hell).<br /><br />Now that the New York Football Giants have been eliminated from Super Bowl contention by the hated Iggles (something I'm actually kind of happy about, considering I've come to despise the very team whose weekly performance determines my brain's general production level of dopamine), I can begin to concentrate on pro football's version of the "hot stove": the 2007 NFL Fucking Draft.<br /><br />I've told many individuals that my last three weeks consisted of apartment searches, quality time spent with my carpetbagger parents, repeated physical assaults in Chicago on a large, cage-free gerbal disguised as an accountant, and 4 days of sniper training with a secret special forces unit that invovled a surgical procedure on mis ojos utilizing a laser. Those are all lies.<br /><br />I've actually been greasing my hair back, erecting a big-board in my living room, and hosting a NFL draft-prospect combine in Riverside Park--all because I'm the self-proclaimed new <a href="http://img.timeinc.net/officepirates/files/images/blog/kiper_170x220.jpg">Mel Kiper, Jr.</a> If Jay Bilas can go from the courtroom to the ESPN studio, then so can I.<br /><br />And now, behold the first annual <u>Nick's Picks Mock Draft</u> (huge E-power chord, possibly with volume pedal effect as sound fades out)<br /><br /><strong><u>Picks 1-10</u></strong><br /><br /><strong><u>1. Oakland Raiders</u>: JaMarcus Russell (QB, LSU)</strong><br />Everyone knows that the top two picks will be QB's, and this dude's got disgusting size, a disgusting arm, and he'd look cool as shit in silver and black. With Randal "Randy" Moss giving 35% on every play, Russell could be the next Daunte Culpepper.<br /><br /><strong><u>2. Detroit Lions</u>: Brady Quinn (QB, Notre Dame)</strong><br />If history is any guide, Matt Millen will draft Calvin Johnson, who will then, by operation of law, be out of the league picking up trash in three years. Millen's draft acumen has been analyzed <a href="http://calmernyouare.blogspot.com/2006/12/pro-football-we-know-youre-awesome-but.html">here</a> before, but we think even <em>he</em> can't fuck this one up. The Lions need a QB and the Irish Douchebag (I totally just made that up, but it does fit) is the obvious choice. If I were Brady Quinn, the first thing I'd do is change my name; the second thing I'd do is pull a John Elway/Eli Manning and refuse to go to the Motor City.<br /><br /><strong><u>3. Cleveland Browns</u>: Adrian Peterson (RB, Oklahoma)</strong><br />These bottom-feeders need a QB, but with Russell and Quinn off the board, they're not going to take Brohm with the #3 overall pick. Instead, they'll take Adrian Peterson, who has the potential to be fucking sick, but also might spend the next three years nursing various injuries. This will give them three young studs at skill positions (Edwards, Winslow, Peterson); but don't start jerkin' it yet, Browns fans, the puke-orange and deuce-brown are still gonna suck dingleberries next year.<br /><br /><strong><u>4. Minnesota Vikings from Tampa Bay Bucs</u>: Calvin Johnson (WR, Georgia Tech)</strong><br />That's right, I'm predicting a trade. Fuck off. The Vikes are desperate for a big-play WR, and Johnson looks like he could be the next Larry Fitzgerald, or even better. The Bucs need D-line help, and know that they can likely get that down at the #7 position. The Vikes will swap picks with the Bucs and throw in a second or third round this year and a 3rd or 4th rounder in '08 to get Johnson. If you've seen this m'fer play this year, you know that he looked like a catholic preist out there (...c'mon, a man playing with boyz ...)<br /><br /><strong><u>5. Arizona Cardinals</u>: Joe Thomas (OT, Wisconsin)</strong><br />I don't know much about this beast other than that everyone and their mother says he's awesome. Works for me. Cardinals need blocking and with Thomas opposite Leonard Davis, that could be the cornerstone of a solid line for years to come. Isn't that special.<br /><br /><strong><u>6. Washington Redskins</u>: Gaines Adams (DE, Clemson)</strong><br />I've had conversations with my insiders of the Redskins organizations, one of whom is a degenerate Gambler, and the consensus seems to be that the Skins want either a DE or a CB. Although S. Springs is gettin' on in years and Carlos Rogers didn't mature as much in his second year as the Skins brass had hoped, they're going to pass on a first round CB and look to upgrade the position with Nate Clements via free agency. This pick could also be Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas), who many think is the best DE in the draft, but since Danny Snyder is a moron, he'll go with Gaines.<br /><br /><strong><u>7. Tampa Bay Bucs from Minnesota Vikings</u>: Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas)</strong><br />Although Alan Branch is viewed by many to be the top D-lineman in the draft, the Bucs need help with the pass rush (they finished 30th in sacks in 2006) and that's what Anderson will provide.<br /><br /><strong><u>8. Houston Texans</u>: Alan Branch (DT, Michigan)</strong><br />The Texans need tons of defensive help, and while they might be better off taking LSU safety LaRon Landry, they can't pass up the opportunity to anchor their defensive line with Branch. Branch is enormous (6'-6", 330 lbs.) and was the cornerstone of a Wolverines defense that was sick at stopping the run (except against tOSU and USC ... but the Texans front office isn't smart enough to figure that one out). With Branch and Williams making up half of the Texans D-line, the <strong>potential</strong> is there for a dominant future.<br /><br /><strong><u>9. Miami Dolphins</u>: Leon Hall (CB, Michigan)</strong><br />When you've got G-men cast-off, Will Allen, starting at corner, you could use an upgrade. Hall is the top corner in the draft, so this one's, as my man Ace Cowboy over at <a href="http://slacklalane.blogspot.com/">Slack</a> says better than anyone else, a total Schiavo.<br /><br /><strong><u>10. Atlanta Falcons</u>: Dwayne Jarrett (WR, USC)</strong><br />Most think LSU safety, LaRon Landry, will go here, but because I know what the fuck I'm talking about, it's going to be Jarrett: Falcons receivers were atrocious in '06 in terms of catching the ball and making big plays. As we all saw in the Rose Bowl, Jarrett is big, fast, and has great hands--finally someone for Matt Schau--I mean, Michael Vick, to throw to.<br /><br />The next ten are available if you're an ESPN insider; otherwise you have to wait for me to post them here when I actually figure them out.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-80638022193021562772007-01-03T18:56:00.000-05:002007-01-03T19:45:10.122-05:00Herpes!<a href="http://kisforkat.com/Pictures/ronmexico.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://kisforkat.com/Pictures/ronmexico.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div><div>Friend of the blog, The Mule, axed me to write a post commenting on Michael Vick becoming the only QB in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards. So, Mule, here we go.<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />Here are Mike Vick's statistics for 2006: 2,474 passing yards; 52.6% completions; 20 TDs, 13 INT; 1,039 rushing yards; 2 rusing TDs. Not a bad year, Mike.<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />With Mike Vick at the helm, the Falcons finished the 2006 season with a 7-9 record and missed the playoffs.<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />When the Mule asked me to write about Vick's season, I assume he meant that I should write about what an accomplishment it is for a QB to pass for 2.500 yards and rush for 1,000; how Vick is one of a kind athlete; how the Falcons wouldn't have been waaaaaaaay better off drafting LDT and Drew Brees .... Sorry, Mule, ain't gonna happen.<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />Here's my take on Ron Mexico's 2006 season: rushing for 1,000 yards is pretty awesome, but that's why they have the running back position. If having your QB run for 1,000 yards gets you a 7-9 record, I'll take my chances with Peyton's retarded younger brother. Last, if a QB gaining 1,000 yards on the ground was such a good thing, then maybe the Falcons would have, you know, won at least half the games they played .... but even then they wouldn't have made the playoffs, so ...<br /></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><br />In conclusion, Vick's season was great for fantasy owners and for kidz from Hotlanta who wish Vick had given <em>them</em> herpes, but not for the Falcons. But hey, you can thank Vick for getting your salt-smellin' head coach fired. I wish the next head coach of the Atlanta Falcons all the luck in the world, but someone really ought to tell him that his Qb is flat out uncoachable.</div><div></div></div></div>Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-46253579993904503502006-12-29T10:19:00.000-05:002006-12-29T11:01:07.958-05:00I'm Riiiiiiiiiiiich, biiiiiiii-<img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://graphics.jsonline.com/graphics/sports/brew/img/jun02/zito611.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />There's a new Barry in San Francisco these days, and he doesn't have a gigantic 'roid-head, a propensity to piss off just about everyone he comes in contact with, or a federal agency trying to land him in jail. Nope. This Barry surfs, plays the guit-box, masturbates to Jack Johnson CDs, and beholds a nasty 12-to-6 curve. Welcome to the better, less ghetto half of the Bay Area, Mr. Zito.<br /><br />As you admire the view from Pac-Bell .... uh, I mean, whatever this stadium is called these days, let me just slip this piece of paper into your back pocket. What is it, you ask? Oh, nothing. Just a little check for ONE-HUNDRED and TWENTY-SIX MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS.<br /><br />Sure, owners and GM's have spent most of this offseason liquored up and engaged in one of their favorite holiday pastimes--throwing enormous sums of money and long, ill-conceived, guaranteed contracts to unproven, mediocre players (e.g. Gary Matthews, Jr., Gil Meche, Alfonso Soriano--not that he's unproven, but 8 years for this guy? Are you serious?)--but 7 guaranteed years for a pitcher? $126 mil for a #2 starter? I just don't get it. This has Mike Hampton written all over it.<br /><br />I really wanted Zito on the Mets next year; I wanted him on the Mets for the next 4-5 years. But our resident savior, Omar Minaya, rightly displayed fiscal restraint and passed on giving Zito the 8th guaranteed year that would have been necessary to bring him to New York.<br /><br />San Francisco baseball Giants, you can have your baked Zito and eat it, too (hey-oh!).<br /><br />I have nothing more to say about this, for it has totally boggled the fuck out of my mind. But there's at least one guy out there who yanked it immediately after hearing about this signing: one Carlos Zambrano. The hot-headed Cub becomes a free-agent after the 2007 season, and since he's 3 years younger than Zito, a flame-throwing bona fide ace, he should be able to bank on a modest 12 year $270 million contract. Yes, please.<br /><br />------------------------<br /><br />Hey youse, have a great New Year. Catarina and I are off to tropical Chicago for a little of the Nochalotapus and a side of Umphrey's McGee. A full report will follow upon my return.<br /><br />Peace, brosephs.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-16396565117124625302006-12-26T14:11:00.000-05:002006-12-26T16:45:02.527-05:00Wolfmother<a href="http://www.seumasb.com/images/seumas_rocker_240.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.seumasb.com/images/seumas_rocker_240.jpg" border="0" /></a>In all honesty, I really want to someday be stranded on a deserted island. Not a "desert" island, mind you, because that would totally suck, considering there'd be no trees, animals, caves, fruit or the potential for scantily-clad island chicks with coconut bikinis. A "deserted" island, one devoid of any semblance of organized society, would be pretty tight; and I'm sure if I landed on or was exiled to such an island, there would be a CD player and either an ample supply of batteries or an outlet. This would enable me to have the oft sought-after "deserted island music experience"--I'm guessing I'd be able to bring the music of 5 artists, but if I was sent away in exile I might only be permitted two. Only two? I know, a total gasp, right? How could one choose?<br /><br />From my perspective it's pretty easy. Over my 26 years on this earth, I've come across two bands that, as the kidz say, "own my face" more than any other: the Phish and Led Zeppelin. For my money it doesn't get any better than this, and I would have absolutely no problem whatsoever living out the rest of my days on some tropical island where I could eat raw fish, swim, chill on the beach, develop my theories regarding the nascent legal field of cave law, and listen to sick tunes from those two bands all freakin' day.<br /><br />Granted, it sucks major scrotum that both these bands have called it quits and are no longer churning out face-melting and ass-kicking music. But left in the wake of the demise of Zepp and Phish are a crop of young face-melters, bringing an energy and intenstiy to their music that would make their musical "parents" proud.<br /><br />While I have found more bands cast in the mold of Phish that occupy my ears as of late (Tea Leaf Green, Raq, Umphrey's McGee), I am constantly on the lookout for bands whose sound, like the masters of nordic-goth-metal-rock themselves, rapes, pillages and otherwise obliterates everything in its path. To me, the music of Led Zeppelin is like a roving gang of vikings, sweeping through villages on immense riffs; crushing buildings with colossal and destructive drums; seizing and boning your women with the help of screeching vocals, really tight jeans and a <a href="http://www.fotobaron.com/music/ledzeppelin/largeimages/plant1.gif">bulging crotch</a>; and then, when it seems that there is nothing left to do but pull a General Sherman and burn that bitch to the ground, as the unstoppable force leaves town, they drink all your JD. Fuckers.<br /><br />Until this past weekend I had found but one band that played no-nonesense, balls-to-the-wall, Zepp-esque music: <a href="http://www.rosehilldrive.com/">Rose Hill Drive</a>. If you haven't heard these dudes, you have no choice but to start listening ... now! (Go <a href="http://www.archive.org/details/rhd2006-11-10.jw463.flac16">here</a> to get your listen on)<br /><br />This weekend I was fortunate enough to be reading <a href="http://www.glidemagazine.com/index.php?task=Articles&id=51616&section=93&issue=1&PHPSESSID=375ee5b576f4f647418cce52ab45b53f">glidemagazine.com</a>'s Top 20 albums of 2006 and decided that "Wolfmother" sounded like an awesome and potentially skull-owning band, so I legally "happened" upon their album and was blown away. At the risk of pulling another of my famous "White Stripes" episodes (I had never heard of the White Stripes until 4 months ago. After hearing them and being pretty impressed, I thought I'd let a few of my closest confidants in on this great "new" band I'd just stumbled upon. As it turns out, I think I was the only person on the face of the earth not to have heard of the White Stripes by summer '06. Evidently I need to get out of my cave more often), if you've never heard of Wolfmother, get on that shit ASAP. If my telling youse to listen to this great new band Wolfmother is like saying "you should really check out this new band The Rolling Stones," then you can lick my grundle. Either way, just fucking listen.<br /><br />In keeping with my policy of no album reviews, I'll just say that they're definitely a viking power trio, and listening to them on Christmas eve night left my brain raped and pillaged, which is just the way St. Nick likes it.<br /><br />-----------------------------<br /><br />On to football.<br /><br />Christ. I don't think I've ever seen a professional football team play as poorly as the Gmen did this weekend. That was scary bad. I'm not even going to rant and fume about how I'm tired of Tiki and Shockey, how Coughlin and his band of merry retards needs to go, and how Eli just stinks. Well, there you go, I just did.<br /><br />The 4:00 game in the tri-state area was Cincinnati at Denver ... in the fucking snow. Booyah! Does it get any better than Christmas Eve, egg-nog w/ rum, a dank cheese h'orderve prepared by Mama Prukaz, and playoff atmosphere football in the snow? Nope. Damn, this game had it all: huge hits, a sick int from the only shutdown corner left in the NFL, an awesome late-game drive by probably the best young QB in the league, one of the classic blunders in all of sports and, oh yeah, snow. Man, if I was a Broncos fan I'd have an enormous boner for Jay Cutler; that kid's gonna be the shit.<br /><br />As for the Jets/Fins game, well, that was maybe the most boring game of football I've ever seen. I guess I have to give credit where it's due, so kudos to the Jets for likely vaulting themselves into the playoffs. But I don't think there has been a more boring successful team than this year's Jets; it's like watching a bunch a' guys in green running through molasses. And if I was a receiver for the Jets, I'd kick Chad Sexington's ass--there's not a QB in this league who leaves his WRs more vulnerable to getting anniahlated by defensive backs than the Rhodes scholar. Get some mustard on that ball, Chad.<br /><br />Oh, and let's all give a round of applause to the winner of AndyWon'tYouBrownBagMe II fantasy football: The Gambler. His Madden Curse squadron led by the real Manning and junk-food eatin' Marvin Harrison defeated Crablefarts' Steel Enima for the league title. Enjoy that loot, Mr. Gambler. I guess I'll let you buy me a beer at Langerado.<br /><br />Werd.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-86097548307483237542006-12-21T14:20:00.000-05:002006-12-21T18:52:04.255-05:00Pro Football: We Know You're Awesome, but ...It's pretty much a proven scientific fact that the NFL rocks. In terms o<a href="http://www.sportsposterwarehouse.com/warehouse/eller67pf-1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.sportsposterwarehouse.com/warehouse/eller67pf-1.jpg" border="0" /></a>f overall awesomeness, the NFL is so far ahead of the rest of the pack that neither the NBA nor NHL even registers a blip on the radar screen; and while I woudn't go so far as to say that major league baseball can't "hold a candle" to the NFL, if it does indeed have a candle in hand, it's really small, for the most part inherently unfair, pretty boring, and hidden from nearly everyone's view.<br /><br />There you have it. The NFL is the undisputed king of the American sports jungle.<br /><br />That being said, while I could go on and on about how the NFL kicks ass, December is national "complain about something that's actually the best shit ever" month, so I'll do my part as a god-fearing, terrorist-hating, immigrant-stomping American and bitch about what is all and good in this here land o' plenty: NFL football.<br /><br />Without further Freddy Adoooooo, the top 5 things about the NFL that suck rhinocerous penis with hoison sauce (I have to credit everyone's favorite schizophrenic, head-butting pop star, Wesley Willis, for that one)<br /><br />1) <strong>Tolerance for Domed Stadiums</strong><br /><br />There are a lot of 'there's nothing worse than's in life, but when speaking of football there is no doubt that domed stadiums are the worst thing that has ever happened to the NFL. People in Atlanta, New Orleans, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Minnesota and Detroit should be ashamed of themselves (but, you say, what about Arizona and Houston?--they have retractable domes, something that is indeed shameful, but as long as it's open when the game is played they're off the hook).<br /><br />First, the warm-weather villains. In defense of their stadiums, supporters in Atlanta, New Orleans, Arizona and Houston invariably fall back on the "Little Girl" argument, which isn't actually an argument at all, but mere whining. When asked why these cities require domed stadiums, the response is always, "it's too hot in August and September. It would be too uncomfortbale to watch a game when it's 90 degrees and humid." Nice try, ladies. Yeah, it's hot as shit in the south and southwest during the dog-days, and I've done my fair share of perpetual sweating on the bayou, so I know what it's like. But guess what, a short drive from Atlanta puts you in Athens, GA, where those Bulldogs fight it between the hedges in an <a href="http://www.hollywoodsportsbook.com/ncaaarenas/images/Sec/Sanford-Stadium-Athens,-GA.jpg">open-air stadium</a>. You know what the average temperature in Athens is in September? 83 degrees. You know what the average temperature in Altanta is in September? That's right, Jim Cantore, 83 degrees. Sorry, Atlanta, you're a bunch of pussies.<br /><br />About 45 minutes northwest of 'Nawlins is a little town called Baton Rouge. The LSU Tigers play football there in an <a href="http://football.ballparks.com/NCAA/SEC/LSU/aerial.jpg">open-air stadium</a> in front of 90,000 cajuns every week. Average temp. in September in Baton Rouge? A balmy 87. In 'Nawlins? You guessed it, 87 f'n degrees. Arizona? Houston? Need I bust out the thermometer on your asses? I think you get the point.<br /><br />The verdict: Warm-weather domes are for pussies.<br /><br />Cold Weather Domes: if warm-weather domes could talk, they'd say, "man, you guys are pussies." Ouch. But if cold-weather domes could talk, the'd be sayin', "man, you guys are not only pussies, but you're stupid." Shit. If Giants Stadium ever talked to me like that, I'd kick it in the nutz. Those cold-weather domes are right, though.<br /><br />Let's start with the biggest culprit of all, Minnesota, a team that used to play outdoors at <a href="http://www.stadiumsofnfl.com/past/metromain.jpg">Metropolitan Stadium</a>. Seriously, Minnesota, what were you thinking? Hmm, let's see, we play a physical game that requires extreme mental toughness in one of the coldest climates on earth. How can we flush away any advantage we have over our competition? I know, let's play in-doors in a fucking vaccum. I mean, we wouldn't want to have teams be uncomfortable when they come to Minneapolis, right? Instead of having an intense, wintercoat-clad fanbase, chugging cans of beast-ice around trash-can fires in the parking lot, rallying together in the sub-freezing temperatures on frigid December nights, let's have a relaxed short-sleaved bunch a' <a href="http://www.eventusa.com/images/vikings-fans05.jpg">douchebags</a> that like to dress up in the stupidest outfits possible (i mean, what is it about the fans of teams that play in domes that they feel required to wear retarded wigs and mardi gras beads?).<br /><br />Shit, Minnesota, you really f'd this one up. Since 1992 the Packers are 40-4 at home when the game-time temperature is below 34 degrees. Translation: when it's cold, you fucking win.<br /><br />Detroit, Indy and St. Louis: The same thing goes for these jokesters. Yeah, I know, the Colts offense is really tough on that "fast track"; the Rams' "greatest show on turf" was essentially unstoppable; the Lions are .... whatever. The fact remains that football is a game of toughness, and that means playing the game when there's rain, snow, sleet, hail, wind, sun, clowds.<br /><br />Detroit, even though you're team sucks, if you had <em>any</em> prospect of being anywhere in the vicinity of decent, you'd be tough at home in December if you played outside.<br /><br />St. Louis, you're just lazy.<br /><br />Indy, if you played outside, maybe <a href="http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.afgrant.com/images/patriots/snowphoto12082003.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.afgrant.com/patriots/&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;h=180&w=174&sz=40&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=gYIxPfe4kw7XCM:&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;tbnh=101&tbnw=98&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpatriots%2B%252B%2Bsnow%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26safe%3Doff%26rls%3DGGLJ,GGLJ:2006-47,GGLJ:en">Peyton</a> would have learned how to not shit himself when it's not 72 with absolutley no wind in Foxboro in January.<br /><br />The verdict: cold-weather domes are for pussies (obvioiusly), and they're just plain stupid.<br /><br />Remember that Bears/Eagles playoff game at Soldier field back in the '80's with the <a href="http://www.pdngallery.com/legends/heinz/klut_jpg/fog.JPG">crazy fog</a>? Not possible with a dome. Patriots/Raiders <a href="http://www.nd.edu/~mdillon/gamekick.jpg">blizzard</a> in January of '02? Not possible.<br /><br /><strong>2) The QB Baseball Slide</strong><br /><br />"Roughing the Passer" is kind of a weak concept. I understand that we need some penalty that deters huge D-linemen/linebackers from killing our coveted defenseless, innocent, probably-smart, puny, immobile white QB's. Fine. That's not, as they say, where the beef lies.<br /><br />I take issue with the NFL's treatment of QB's <em>after</em> the QB has left the pocket--when those slow-ass white boyz are on the run. Let's look at a rather common occurrence: QB drops back to pass, can't find anyone to throw to, feels the pass rush, steps up in the pocket, still can't find anyone open, decides to run, scampers a few yards down field, sees a menacing defender closing in for the kill, craps himself, then decides to slide feet first baseball-style, thus avoiding the wrath of the oncoming defender.<br /><br />That, my friends, is the epitome of lame. But why do we let our precious QB's avoid a hit by sliding feet first? Well, they're Qb's, right? They can't possibly withstand a good, clean, hard tackle; they're not like RB's or WR's who know how to brace for impact; they grew up playing QB, wearing the coveted red jersey during practice, never getting hit .... ever; their bones would shatter instantly; it'd be Joe Theisman after Joe Theisman after Joe Theisman ...<br /><br />Enough, NFL. Your rationale is bunk and you know it. Once the QB passes the line of scrimmage he can't throw the ball, right? If he can't throw the ball, then he's no longer a QB--he's just like everyone else. And what happens to everyone else? They get hit, sometimes even hard. So here's the deal. Once the QB leaves the pocket, you can hit the shit out of him, just like any other player. And if these bitch QB's can't handle getting hit, then maybe they just shouldn't run.<br /><br />In a nut-sack: just stop treating QB's like they're vaginas made out of porcelain. If they can't take the punishment, stay in the fucking pocket.<br /><br /><strong>3) Turf</strong><br /><br />Just like football is meant to be played outside in the elements, it's supposed to be played on grass--real f'n grass. And while we've come a long way from the days of concrete-like astro-turf, all this new bullshit does is prevent ACL's, which is good. But there's another way to prevent ACL injuries, just play on real fucking grass. I know it's more expensive than the fake shit, and I know that the NFL is a business, but football involves tackling, and tackling involves getting hit to the ground where it's dirty.<br /><br />At the end of a game football players should be covered in dirt and blood and all look like <a href="http://www.iphotocentral.com/Photos/martingordon_Images/Full/2240.jpg">this.</a><strong></strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>4) The Fox Robots</strong><br /><br />Fox began airing NFL games in 1994. At some point between 1994 and the present, Fox decided that it would introduce the NFL game it aired with a bunch of futuristic robots playing a game of ridiculously violent, high-intensity football (which, I might add, was played in a dome). This never really made any sense to me, but it must be somewhat popular because Fox still uses these silly robots for just about everything.<br /><br />Here's my problem: when Fox comes back from a commercial and they show a live-action picture of something happening on the field--in the stands, or the blimp-view of the whole stadium--and Joe Buck is telling me that this broadcast is brought to me by a bunch a bullshit, the stupid robot is in the corner of the screen jumping and stretching, ostensibly getting loose for entry into a full-contact robot football game.<br /><br />Now, I'm well aware that the robot is not real, nor is any robot football game this droid may consider joining. But that doesn't change the fact that if this robot <em>was</em> preparing to enter a game, it wouldn't need to stretch before doing so. Plain and simple, robots don't need to stretch in order to do <em>anything</em>. Machines are made of non-malleable metals and wires, not muscle-tissue that contracts and expands with use. A robot does not cramp up or pull a muscle if it gets up off the bench and runs onto the field--robots, like cars, are ready to go right off the assembly line.<br /><br />So, Fox robot, you can pantomime stretching all you want, but you're not fooling anyone. And if I'm the NFL, I'm telling Fox to can the whole robot schtick, unless, of course, they use the <a href="http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~fz9y-nikr/losbanff/t100.jpg">T100</a>.<br /><br /><strong>5) Matt Millen</strong><br /><br />Jeez, Matt, you stink.<br /><br />Before the Lions hired Millen in 2001 to be the organization's CEO and General Manager, Millen had a grand total of zero years of front-office experience. Nice move. The year before Millen took over (the 2000 season), the Lions went 9-7 and missed the playoffs for the 7th time out of 10 seasons. Hmm, missing the playoffs 7 out of 10 seasons is pretty bad, but you know what's worse? Since Millen took over, the Lions have gone 23-72, worst in the NFL over that 5-plus year stretch.<br /><br />Let's check out the moves Millen's made:<br /><br />Draft Picks:<br /><br />2002: Joey Harrington (#3 overall), who is now on the Dolphins. Players they could have selected include safeties Roy Williams and Ed Reed, and DE Dwight Freeny. Harrington's okay, though, since they needed a QB. Note that at the conclusion of the 2002 season the Lions ranked 31 in overall defense.<br /><br />2003: Hey, Matt, we need defense, right? Wrong. Fuck that, we're picking Charles Rogers (WR from Michigan State) with the #2 overall pick. Where's Rogers now? Out of football. Sweet. Let's take a look at some of the players they could have had: Andre Johson, Terrence Newman, Troy Polomalu and Larry Johnson.<br /><br />2004: You know what's worse than finishing 31st in overall defense in a 32 team league? Yep, finishing DEAD LAST. That's what the Lions did in 2003. Who needs defense when you've got studs like Joey Harrington and Charles Rogers out there. Again, fuck defense and we'll pick Roy Williams (WR Texas) with the 7th overall pick. Honestly, Williams is a stud. Nice work, Millen. But wait, we've got another first round pick! Shoudln't we really consider going with defense? Fuck you, you're fired. We're picking RB from Virginia Tech, Kevin Jones. Sure, KJ had a sick 2006 campaign ... from a fantasy standpoint. Let's see who the Lions could have picked: D'Angelo Williams, Jonathon Vilma, Tommie Harris, Chris Gamble .... brilliant.<br /><br />2005: Well, the defensive gods <em>do</em> shine on Detroit because the Lions jumped 10 spots to finish the 2004 season with the 22 ranked defense in the league. Not bad, Matt, but with our #10 overall pick we should <em>definitely</em> go defense, right? Fuck you, your fired. Can't you see my huge hard-on for unproductive WR's? Let's go with Mike Williams (WR from USC), it's not like there's anyone good left in the draft who could play defense. Oh boy. Matt, I hate to break it to you, but the two picks right after you selected Williams were DeMarcus Ware and Shaun Merriman. That's cool, though.<br /><br />2006: I'm guessing Millen wasn't present on draft-day, since the Lions went with Ernie Simms (OLB from FSU).<br /><br />Coaching Decisions:<br /><br />In 2001, Millen hired Marty Mornhinweg, who had never even held a coordinator position. Genius. In two years under Mornhinweg's leadership, the Lions went 5-27. 'Nuff said.<br /><br />I'm sure Millen's a good guy and he sure as hell was a sick middle linebacker (he won 3 superbowls), but Roger Goodell's got to get Millen the F out of Detroit 'cuz he fuckin' sucks<br /><br />Evidently I'm not the only one who thinks Millen stinks. It appears some Lions fans are trying to get people to <a href="http://sportsunleashed.wordpress.com/2006/12/10/walk-out-announced-for-detroit-lions-game/">walk out</a> of this Sunday's home game against Chicago. Good luck with all that.<br /><br />Snoogins.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-20536027763397096952006-12-21T10:59:00.000-05:002006-12-21T13:02:11.037-05:00Hiatus Is Over<a href="http://www.vastlyimportant.com/vastly/brie-de-meaux01.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.vastlyimportant.com/vastly/brie-de-meaux01.jpg" border="0" /></a> As I predicted on December 7, it was indeed a fortnight before another post found its way to this here pinko-commie rag. 14 days, to be exact, which is the definition of a "fortnight," so .... yeah.<br /><br />My only hope is that this post-hiatus period doesn't proceed ike Phish's ... you know, described as sloppy, unspirited, predictable; and god forbid if anyone comments that this rag has "jumped the shark" or "run its course." On the bright side, however, if events do transpire in the manner just described, at least I have a DWI and a possession of controlled substances charge to look forward to. So I've got <em>that</em> going for me, which is nice.<br /><br />Incidentally, as I write this I'm devouring my second kruller from Dunkin' Donuts. While past readers of this site (all three of you) may have surmised that I am what the French call a "cheeseophile," I'm also a sucker for fried dough and coffee. In addition to praising the quality of their fine donuts, the people at this particular Dunkin' Donuts get extra accolades for what I am about to describe. Is there anything worse in life than getting rung up at a store for something that costs $2.01, realizing you have no pennies because you have an irrational fear of them, handing over three singles, and then getting $0.99 in return? Is there? I don't think so.<br /><br />Loose changee should be outlawed, mainly because it's dumb and small, and also because I never remember and am too scared to bring any of it with me. So, after ringing me up for $2.01 for my coffee, I started to hand over my remaining three singles, thinking I'd come away from this transaction with nothng but a pocket full a' worthless, disgusting change (4 of which would be pennies). But alas, the kind Dn'D lady waived off the thrid single and sent me on my way with a steamin' cup of joe and no pennies.<br /><br />That, my friends, is how to start off a sick post-hiatus run.<br /><br />It's recently come to my attention, though, that the pholks over at urbandictionary.com have chosen to define the term "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cheeseophile">cheeseophile</a>" as: someone who engages in sexual activity with dairy products, in particular cheese. Okay, okay ... I know what you're thinking. Because I talk about cheese a lot and my first name is "Steppenwolf," I'm as prime a candidate as there is to be one of <em>those</em> guys who forces his bird into a wedge of brie over and over again, or takes his semi-melted sticks of butter like a suppository.<br /><br />But no, the kind people at urbandictionary are clearly only out for quick, cheap laughs, something that we here at CYA (that's the dumbest shortened name for a publication that I've ever heard) find despicable and offensive. While Urbandictionary has chosen to use "pedophile" as it's root-word, I'm going to take, as Jacque Vaughn said prior to snubbing the NBA and its millions for his senior season at Kansas, "the road less travelled" and rise above an endorsement of child molestation. If you break down "cheeseophile," you have "cheese" and "phile," and as we all know "phile" is merely a fancy-boy way of saying "lover of," or "enthusiast." So there you have it. I do not enjoy having relations with dairy products, and I would never think of, ahem, "entering" brie without its consent (actually, if I was going to have non-consensual intercourse with a piece of cheese, It'd probably be with that harlot, brie). The point here is that I'm a cheese-enthusiast. Enough.<br /><br />Sit tight, sports will follow.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-88022965462800721872006-12-07T16:06:00.000-05:002006-12-07T16:47:43.915-05:00Jeez, I'm sorry, okay?In my pretend world, the one that cards me at the door before sleep and kicks me out on my ass upon waking, people actually read this here site. I worry about these pretend readers, mainly because I haven't posted anything since the first of the month and they're probably bored and pissed. For this I apologize.<br /><br />I have a good excuse, though. Twice a year, for roughly two to three weeks at a time, I adopt a persona so wicked and vile that it could be attributed to only one source--law school. In order to gradumatate next spring, I have to pass these bullshit classes, and to do that, I have to get my study on. So, for about a fortnight posts will be minimal, and when they do arrive, like this one they will suck ballz.<br /><br />Here's some stuff that must be said:<br /><br />1) Here in the center of the universe those who control the weather have decided to make it really cold overnight and then possibly snow tomorrow. As we all know, snow is generally the shit. And while there are a multitude of reasons why snow rocks, at the top of the list (and with no apparent challengers) is football in the snow. Fuck yeah. So, if and when I rule the world, my first order of business will be a short decree mandating that during the NFL season, if it's going to snow in any city that would host a football game that week, the game must be played on the day in which it snows. So, tomorrow would feature the Bills at Jets across the mighty Hudson in the dirty-dirty. Sick.<br /><br /><br />2) As much as the "children should be neither seen nor heard" idea is kinda cool, it's pretty tough to pull off. That being said, kids under the age of 18 shouldn't be allowed to ride mass-transit in major cities. They're annoying as hell and I generally want to fight them all when I ride the subway. If I acted on my instincts, I'd go to jail, which wouldn't be good at this point in my life. So, kidz, let's all come together and keep my ass out of jail; just shut up and walk home from school.<br /><br />3) Chap-stick is necessary but lame. In the winter months, the wind and cold make my lips all chapped and shit, and that sucks. The only remedy that makes sense is to use chap-stick, but it feels all weird on my lips and I feel like a complete douche when I put it on. So .... yeah.<br /><br />4) I don't particularly like album reviews, mainly because they don't relay any information that you couldn't get by just listening to the album yourself. The album review is fundamentally different than the live-show review in that the live-show review involves a reaction to a musical performance that could never be duplicated ... it's a review of an <em>experience. </em>The album review, on the other hand, is nothing more than one dumbass's take on something that never changes. If you want to know if an album's good, just sit down and listen to it yourself. Sheesh. With that, I give you my first album review.<br /><br />I listened to The New Pornographer's latest release, "Twin Cinema." There was a time in my life where my attitude towards all things "hipster" was total condescension. While I still think that tight jeans, ironic tee-shirts, horn-rimmed glasses, wacky hair, mesh hats and cans of old-school beer are stupid, I'm not a a <em>complete</em> dick toward the "hipster" scene anymore. Anyway, "Twin Cinema" is pretty "indie," which I'm not that big a fan of, but it's alright.<br /><br />The verdict: sit down and listen to it yourself.<br /><br />That's it for now. If over the next two weeks you're looking to procrastinate or just read some shit, check out my man Ace's <a href="http://slacklalane.blogspot.com/">blog</a>--it's a good read, updated daily, and loaded with links, music, news and other crap that's interesting, funny, bizarre, and awesome.<br /><br />Werd, kidz.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-63010099930646175972006-12-01T12:31:00.000-05:002006-12-01T14:54:11.454-05:00Time Warner Cable Can Eat My Ass<a href="http://www.thecinemasource.com/moviesdb/images/Reba%20season%202%20Reba%20McEntire%20Christopher%20Rich%20JoAnna%20Garcia%20Steve%20Howey%20Scarlett%20Pomers%20Mitch%20Ho.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 198px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 208px" height="425" alt="" src="http://www.thecinemasource.com/moviesdb/images/Reba%20season%202%20Reba%20McEntire%20Christopher%20Rich%20JoAnna%20Garcia%20Steve%20Howey%20Scarlett%20Pomers%20Mitch%20Ho.jpg" border="0" /></a>By now, everyone is aware of the ongoing, incredibly childish, my-dick-is-bigger-than-your's feud between the NFL Network and many cable providers around this here great nation. Since I live in center of the universe, the only provider I give a shit about is the nefarious monopoly known as Time Warner Cable. These ass-mongrels have decided to play hard-ball with the crotch-pheasants over at the NFL Network, the net result being that us NFL enthusiasts are left with our flacid cycloptic snakes flapping in the cold rain and snow (and wind, I guess).<br /><br />Evidently, the NFL Network wants a cool $140 mil from TWC to air the network for all viewers, an offer the TWC execs responded to by pulling down their pantaloons, lifting their sacks, pointing to their grundles and mouthing the words "lick it." They immediately followed this charade by claiming that $140 mil was "crazy expensive," and that they would be forced to offer the network only as an addition to their "sports tier," which subscribers can get access to for an additional fee. The NFL Network said "go F yerself," and that's where we are today. No NFL Network for us TWC-ers, which means we, like <a href="http://www.skapunkandotherjunk.com/images/Icons/caddy_spalding.jpg">Spalding</a>, will get nothing and like it.<br /><br />I don't know who's at fault and, frankly, I don't really care. TWC has a monopoly over tens of millions of cable-addicts and, thus, ass-loads of cash, and the NFL gets billions from networks to air their games. So, neither of these douche-nozzles can exactly say they aint' budgin' 'cuz they needs the lucraz. Fuckers.<br /><br />So, I've decided to take a gander at the programming TWC <em>has</em> decided to shell out for and see what exactly we Manhattanites <em>can</em> watch instead of sweet, sweet NFL action 24-7.<br /><br />-------------------------<br /><br />The first 11 channels are okay. There's the standard networks, TNT, Nickelodeon, TBS, those wacky and zaney "MY9" and the "CW11" channels, and CNN. TNT and TBS are must-haves, and while I don't watch Montel Williams, Reba, or WWF Smackdown, the former UPN and WB are fine with me.<br /><br />Then we come to Lifetime (channel 12). If you like movies about attractive women who enact overly dramatic revenge on their husbands, who have either a) beat the shit out of them or b) cheated on them with some young floozie, then by all means have at it. But as we will see later, they've got a separate channel for that shit. What pisses me off about Lifetime is not so much that I'd never in a million years consider watching anything it airs (mainly b/c they insist on remaining on basic cable, thus losing out on millions of male viewers not unlike myself, who would tune in daily if there was nudity), but they carry essentially the same programs as the CW11 and My9 channels. Yeah, from 5 p.m. to 9 pm on Lifetime you can catch an hour of some show called "Still Standing," followed by an hour of "Reba," followed by another hour of "Still Standing," which is then followed by yet another hour of "Reba." Meanwhile, on My9 from 2 p.m. to 3 you can catch an hour of "Still Standing" and then from 4 p.m. to 5 you can see another hour of "Reba" on the CW11. I don't care how many women masturbate to the short-haired Reba McEntire, if your name ain't Jerry Seinfeld, we don't need to see 3 hours of your show, even if you're a red-haired strumpet and we could spend that time debating the merits of the seemingly elusive fire-crotch.<br /><br />End result: Lifetime's got to go.<br /><br />Next we come to MTV. It appears that if you're not up before 9, you can't see any music videos. Awesome. Without getting into the specifics of the individual shows (we'll save that for another post), the programs on this channel are preposterous. I don't want to watch someone get "made" into someone or something else; I don't want to see 15 year old sluts bitch and moan that arms-dealer daddy only spent $250,000 on their effing BIRTHDAY PARTY; and I don't care about some BMX biker and his tub-o'-lard bodyguard, who, evidently, goes swimming in BMX dude's pool wearing only socks and a jock strap. Nice.<br /><br />Conclusion: fuck Mtv.<br /><br />I generally have no issue with the series of home shopping channels, but, seriously, who the fuck buys this shit? Anyone who has the time to buy shit off the TV clearly has no job (and, likely, no money).<br /><br />Then there's Spike TV. I don't understand this one. When "The National Network" (formerly "The Nashville Network") made a huge deal about changing its name to "Spike," they made it abundantly and annoyingly clear that it was going to be "television for men." Sooooo, that means it's going to be the male equivalent of Lifetime, right? After getting cheated on by his cunt of a wife, lawyer guy bends the hot, young paralegal (female, I hope) over his office desk? I'm game. But no, apparently "television for men" amounts to a barrage of "World's Most Amazing/Dangerous/Wildest Police Chases," hour upon hour of various "Star Trek"-type shows, "CSI," and the occassional Ultimate Fighting Championship, a concept that sounds good on paper, but in reality is mad boring. I'll take 24 hours of professional football over that bullshit any day.<br /><br />TV Guide Channel. Fuck off. Everyone's got digital cable, so no need for the scrolling guide. If you dont have digital cable, you're stupid (like my parents) and don't deserve the NFL Network.<br /><br />WE: this stands for "women's entertainment." Like my man David Spade used to say (way too often), I liked this one better the first time, when it was called "Lifetime." Hey, TWC, just fucking pick one.<br /><br />But wait, just two channels up from "WE" is "Oxygen," yet another network for women; this one, though, is aimed at younger women. Actually, it seems to be aimed at <em>fat</em> women, since it appears to air nothing but Roseanne re-runs. Two was bad enough, TWC, you can't get away with three of these channels. Stop being a pussy and give me football.<br /><br />Then there's the spanish-language channels. I speak <em>un poquito</em> <em>espanol</em>, but not enough to understand what's happening on these inane programs. The "variety shows" are almost beyond comprehension, and the soap operas all seem to have that dude with the bowl haircut and the red dots (couldn't find a pic). I guess people like these shows, but do we really need 3 of these networks? C'mon.<br />Channel 62 is "Lifetime Movie." So, let me get this straight, we need one channel for the daily "Reba"/"Still Standing" marathon and another for the wife-kills-cheating/abusive-husband movies? Okay, okay. Deep breaths. Serenity now.<br /><br />When we get to the 100 channel mark, this is where stuff starts getting all crazy. Most of these channels are okay by me (Sleuth TV, Science channel, Military channel, Game Show network), but there happen to be four (4) more Discovery channels ("Times" "kids" "home" and "health")--just condense that shit already.<br /><br />Speed Channel: this should only be offered in the South. If you want to watch cars making left turns, you can watch it on sundays on NBC. A better idea might be to just tape one race and watch it over and over again whilst crushing cans of Schlitz Ice.<br /><br />Turning to channel 127 I become incredulous. I cannot (and will not) believe my eyes. You thought you could get away with it, didn't you, TWC execs? Are you <em>that</em> whipped by your wives (I'm assuming for purposes of this post that all execs at TWC are men. Could I be wrong?)? Or have you all had complete sex changes? Channel 127 is "Lifetime: Real Women." Jesus fucking christ. Enough already.<br /><br /><br />And there you have it. I've done my best Ron Jawarski in breaking down the film, and we've got 5 channels dedicated to bon-bon eating fem-slobs, one shameful attempt at "television for men," and a bunch a' crap that normal people can't possibly care about.<br /><br />Well, the NFL Network may be greedy, but at least they're not brain damaged like TWC and Eli.<br /><br />Have a good weekend, everyone. Only an hour and a half 'til "Reba." Nooice.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-83545310736194105902006-11-30T19:14:00.000-05:002006-11-30T20:26:04.636-05:00Cameron Crazies: Just Stop ItOn Tuesday night, the Duke Blue Devils defeated the Kelvin Sampson-led Indiani Hoosiers 54-51 at Cameron Indoor Stadium. If you are male and between the ages of 18-34, you likely watched this game, perhaps due to a genuine interest in college hoops, but more likely on account of the well known medical condition made famous by the story in <em>Time Magazine </em>entitled, "Area Man's Sack Spontaneously Combusts." As we all know, less than two hours of ESPN viewing a day will cause your ballz to shrivel and, shortly thereafter, spontaneously combust.<br /><br />I watched this game, party out of fear, but mostly because I hate Duke. I only know a few people who attended the prestigiously private University in the South on Tobacco Road, and none of them were the type of Dukey who would take a bullet for Coach Shushefski. If the animosity I feel toward Duke basketball (men's) doesn't stem from annoying friends incessantly jumping mere inches off the ground throughout home games, chanting really "clever" crap at opposing players, and camping outside Cameron Indoor Stadium, then what is it?<br /><br />Well, take the "annoying friend" away and there you have it: I can't stand the fans. I'm sure that if I hadn't hit that 1500th bowl junior year of highschool, or decided it was a good idea to smoke a victory stoagie on the 9th hole of Yale Golf Course and subsequently get suspended from the varisty golf team, I probably could have gone to Duke (I probably could have used a few hundred points on the ole' SAT, as well). But fuck them, my alma mater is a well-oiled football machine, churing out NFL-ready QB's like we're ... uh, some company that produces quality goods on a regular basis. So, Dukies, how many football games have you rocket scientists lost in a row? 18? I mean, who's counting. <br /><br />Okay, so if I went to Duke, I might have camped out for a fortnight or two in Shushefski-village waiting to get my tix and, hopefully, simultaneously fellate Duke's own "Dear Leader." The more likely situation, though, is that I would have played 15 straight games of Beirut (I'm that good), demanded that Phish be played on the house stereo, eaten a block of America's Choice Sharp Cheddar and ended the night with 36 holes of Mario Golf and several tubes. <br /><br />(Ir)regardless, the point here is that Duke fans drive me crazy. I mean, we get it; you're all bright, intelligent, rich, white kids from the suburbs (that's not necessarily a bad thing, ahem) who like basketball. Fine. The chants you guys have are actually pretty cool; that shit gets passed down from class to class and all. Great. I have no problem with this.<br /><br />(As an aside, I must admit that I'm insanely jelous of people who went to schools with either football or basketball programs that are awesome. My school's footbal team was undefeated the year before I arrived, only to shit the bed the ensuing four years. But, hey, we produce NFL QB's, so eat a dick. I attended 1 basketball game while attending university. We took on the #1 Cincinnait Bearcats, led by forceful dunk artist, Kenyon Martin, and actually held our own in the first half. Then Martin dunked on like 15 consecutive possessions and I went home and shot -15 on Mario Golf.)<br /><br />What I do have a problem with is the jumping. That's it. C'mon, Dukies, is that really fun? Does jumping for 2 hours really enhance your viewing pleasure? I know it's warm in Durham during November, aren't some of you wearing flip-flops, especially considering it's basically a sauna in there? That can't be comfortable. Plus, it looks stupid.<br /><br />But I'm not one to knock it unless I try it, so during the Duke/IU matchup I decided I'd put my money where my mouth is/was and get up in front of the TV and hop up and down for as long as it was a) fun and b) possible. So, I stood up a few feet from my TV and began to hop up and down, up and down ...<br /><br />My first thought: this might be fun on ecstacy. <br /><br />My second thought: this isn't fun at all.<br /><br />My third thought: this is stupid.<br /><br />My fourth thought: am I out of Bud Light and herb-crusted goat cheese?<br /><br />Alright, if it's not "fun" to jump up and down (something I must admit I probably hadn't done since middle school whilst listening to House a' Pain and pretending to inhale cigarettes), then why are these jackass fans doing it? Because these losers, whom I would definitely own at Mario Golf and Beirut, think it's cool. Plain and simple. It's what you do after you've spent 4 nights in Shushefski-village studying calculus, planning team stripper parties, drinking Mr. Pibb and attempting to perfect that quasi-slacker, quasi-hippi, quasi-8th-grader-into-Led Zeppelin-but-no one-really-gets-it-until-they're-like-17-and-dude-that-kid-back-in-middle-school-was-sooo-cool hair cut that all the 12 year olds want these days.<br /><br />'Nuff said. No offense, Dukies. I hate your team and the stupid jumping, but ya'll are okay in my book. <br /><br />Now, where's that Lacrosse party at?Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5922138109448690310.post-21493110426477014392006-11-30T19:04:00.000-05:002006-11-30T19:11:11.240-05:00'SupAs you may have surmised, this is a blog. What you'll find here will likely blow your mind and destroy your skull on a daily basis. Since posts will be written based upon what is awesome in this here world, we're gonna talk about sports, music, beer and cheese (and perhaps some femininas, should the mood strike us). <br /><br />Just so you know we're legit, let me take a moment to thank today's sponsor: grilled cheese (made with heady Vermont cheddar). Dank. <br /><br />You can't argue with grilled cheese. Go ahead, try.Jimmy the Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14205692190332436563noreply@blogger.com0